i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
