I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
