did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
