I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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