I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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