I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
