So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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