I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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