So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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