I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize