I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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