im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
