he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
