Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize