I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just cropdusted the office
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
