What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
