Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
