How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
