So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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