hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
