U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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