you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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