I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
