His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
