Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
