I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
