So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
