Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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