Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
