dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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