i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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