I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
