I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
