Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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