Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
