There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
