he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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