just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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