haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
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I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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