Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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