Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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