Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
