Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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