I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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