piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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