ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize