We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
