I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
