I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
