I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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