Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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