I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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