Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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