Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This toilet bowl is my home.
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