shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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