i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
