Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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