someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
