I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
