Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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