There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
