All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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