No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
