you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
