I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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