So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
