omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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