Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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