I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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