Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
