Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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